"There's fog inside the glass around your summer heart"

I need to stop measuring my life by the things I don't have. It's the things I do have that make my life great...an amazing family, a few great friends, and passion for the things I love in life.

I think as humans, we all get caught up in what our life is lacking from day to day. We become consumed with the idea that the absence of certain things is a mark of failure. I know I've been a victim of these thoughts...and I probably still will be after I'm done writing this. It's human nature I guess...this struggle for total gain of the things we think we need in our lives. At some point, you need to figure out what your needs are, and whether or not you can acquire them through your own control.

It's probably no secret that my love-life has been rocky over the past four years. By no means was it all bad or anything...I'd hate to sound bitter and regretful...because I'm not. In fact, I learned a lot and had some amazing experiences. I also got to learn a lot about myself through people that I really cared about. I've had a lot of time to reflect on this sort of stuff, and I guess I just feel as if there is something missing in my life. Maybe I'm nostalgic for the feelings I had in my past. Maybe I miss that reliability and the certainty of comfort and support. Maybe it's all of it. Maybe it's none of it.

It's love.

The older adults in my life...the people who have been in my shoes before...tell me that it gets better from here. I hope they're right, and I'm sure they are...

...But for now, I'll just focus on the things I do have in life...the things that have made my life great...

- Daley

Commencement

How often can you say that you had a life-changing experience and truly believe it? It doesn't happen very often. A week ago today, I had one of these moments...and I know I'll never be the same.

Last Sunday was the 8th grade graduation ceremony. It was very well done and it was pretty emotional. I was the 8th grade English teacher, and over the course of the year, I built a pretty strong bond with them. Anyways, towards the end of the ceremony, the 8th graders were given three roses to give to people that they wanted to thank. This is a tradition the school has made and the students were asked to consider who they would like to present the roses to during the ceremony. Most of the kids gave them to a parent, grandparent, family member, the principal, or someone else that had helped them along the way. Just a few teachers were presented with them. I was one of them.

Each student had to list the people they were giving the roses to as they stood in front of everyone. Then they had to say a little bit about why they were giving each person their rose. The last student to go up and do this was a girl named Myeshia. She was one of my English students with a real knack for writing. She had a way with words that constantly reminded me of my own creative spirit. I would always tell her that she had such talent and she should stick with writing. I shared my own love for writing with her, while letting her know how much I believed in her ability.

She came up to the microphone, and as I sat in the audience, I heard her say "I'd like to give a rose to my mother, my grandmother, and Mr. Daley." I immediately felt a rush of emotion. I walked up to the stage and by the time she finished her description of why she was giving me a rose, I was fighting back tears. She said something like:

"I'd like to give a rose to my favorite teacher, Mr. Daley. He has helped me to see that I am a good writer and poet. He has helped me with my writing and always believed in me. He was a cool teacher and he has had a huge impact on my life. I will never forget him."

That moment was one of the best I've ever experienced in my 23 years of life, and I mean that with the utmost sincerity. For once, I felt that I had accomplished something great. Instead of just seeing the rose as a gift, I saw it as an answer. It was an answer to the question I've been debating for so long. The question of career choice and what I really need to do with my life. I finally felt a new confidence that teaching was it. A 14 year old girl said that I had a huge impact on her life and that she would never forget me. She saw that I believed in her. I supported her and taught her enough for her to recognize that there's greatness in her. As a teacher, that's all you can ask for. As a person...a 23 year old...it's more than I ever would've expected. The whole ride home from graduation, I cried. It wasn't sad, but for whatever reason, the great feeling that this experience gave me warranted tears. I didn't fight it in the confines of my car though. I just went with it. I knew that this was big for me. I still get emotional thinking about it.

A week later and school's out for summer. The last week was a breeze and it was great to spend some time with the kids in a more relaxed classroom environment. I'm definitely looking forward to next year. Now that it's summer, I have the time to do the things I've been putting off all year...like writing. I guess this was just a warm-up.

- Daley

myTunes?

I've never really been musically-inclined. Recently though, I've felt as if music has been Daley-inclined. What does that mean?

A lot of the songs I've been listening to lately seem to perfectly express the way I'm feeling in that specific moment and during this time of my life. Call it coincidence, call it some strange outside insight, call it whatever...

So thanks iPod, iTunes, radio, and various other media. I'm listening...

- Daley

Engagement

Engagement can be defined as 'an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time.' 

This Memorial Day weekend, my sister had her second of two engagement parties and it was in Pennsylvania. So that's where I was for the past three days...in the center of Pennsylvania, in the middle of a celebration, amidst my own quiet introspection of my life and the reflection on lives of the people closest to me..my family.

My sister is a lucky woman. Watching her with her fiancee and his family, in a situation of true happiness and comfort, made me feel...secure, I guess. The weekend may not have been a huge getaway for me, but my mind received a much needed vacation from everything back home. The change of scenery was beautiful, and almost healing for a bit. Perspective is a peculiar thing. People can see things from different angles, both physically and mentally...and sometimes the former can impact the latter.

An arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time. I have so much I need to do. Being away, I got to thinking of how I have ended up here. A 23 year old man holding on to this ideal vision of his future, yet being a wallflower of life's awkward dance, wondering if I should make my way out there...second-guessing my potential and fearing rejection or failure.

I got to get out there. I gotta cut in. I'm only at this dance for a fixed time...and I'm a good dancer.

Sick of the metaphors? Me too.

With that said, enjoy Memorial Day. Engage in something.

- Daley

Continuum

The summer is quickly approaching and I've realized that it's going to be a recuperation period. 

For the past year, my head, my heart, and my spirit have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. Now, I'm not one for amusement park rides, so maybe this is a cheap and meaningless metaphor, but it seems fitting. All in a year, I've been to the highest of peaks, and the lowest of lows, anticipating greatness, yet sometimes falling short. Sometimes I've wanted to scream, and sometimes all I could do was hold on with all my power. And there were the times when I felt true greatness, like I was right where I was supposed to be in that moment.

This summer, I'm focusing on me.

I don't have much planned for this summer. Less clutter will make for a more free, relaxed mind...and that's what I need now. Progress will be my theme for this summer. I'll make a lot of progress with my novel. I'll make financial progress by bartending. I'll make progress as a man. I'll make progress and get ahead before the next school year starts and I take on more responsibility in the school. I also want to take a road trip at some point...by myself. Somewhere I can be alone, inspired, introspective. Wilmington comes to mind...

I guess in the end, I just want to be happy. That's all anybody really wants. I'd like to make people around me more happy too. Sometimes I feel I fall short there. I need to be the best version of myself.

I need to recuperate.

It's not easy.

- Daley

Thanks

My dad has made me who I am today. He has been there for me through everything: hard times, basketball games, award ceremonies, my first win as a coach, and every significant moment in my life. He is the reason why I am who I am. So thank you Dad, for being who you are to me. I can only wish that I will have a son someday who will respect and love me even half as much as I respect and love you. Thank you.

- Kiddo

I tried writing about the tendency that I've had throughout my life to be emotional/express these emotions. Every time I started writing a few sentences, I deleted them because I felt as if I could not express myself well.

Irony: 1     -     Daley: 0

I wish I was better at things.

- Daley

Now

Feelings of inadequacy are the worst.

-Daley

Bigger things

I have a hard time letting go of things. Some call it stubbornness...I call it passion. Me calling it passion is probably just a reflection of the fact that I'm stubborn.

When things are out of one's control, the bigger things, when does one "let go."

Let life take its course? Probably.

I talk about grabbing opportunities. I speak about letting go. Maybe this war on clenching is the reason why I find it hard to get a handle on certain facets of my life. 

Yeah, because that's my problem... dexterity. 

Sarcastically, 

Daley

When I was 8 years old...

When I was 8 years old, I probably wanted to be a basketball player or a lawyer when I grew up. Besides a pretty solid jump shot and an innate ability to easily be pulled into an argument, it is safe to say that the perception of how my life would turn out through the eyes of a timid young kid was pretty far off. There are days that my mind becomes wrapped up in the tangled web that led me to where I am now. Today was one of these days.

I walked into the school where I teach this morning, going through my morning routine of checking my mail box, hiking up the stairs, dumping all my stuff on my desk and getting settled in the classroom. After all of this, I made my way up to the third floor for morning gathering, a time in which the whole school comes together and starts the day off. I sat amongst the kids as a grown up version of my middle school self... Still with that same wonder and curiosity: Why am I here? Where am I going?

I never saw myself as someone who would end up becoming a teacher. I just kind of fell into it. Now I'm kind of falling in love with it. There are the days where the stress of it all gets to me...but when a struggling student starts raising her hand more in your class after you've talked to her about working harder, or when a student opens up to you about some family issues he is struggling with at home, it is impossible not to feel like you are making some sort of positive difference in a kid's life. And what profession allows you to have an opportunity to do that every single day you show up? Teaching. And coaching.

As the coach of the basketball team at the school, I have made relationships with a group of boys that I am sure has positively effected each one of them. Others have said this, and I feel it every day. No money, benefits, or other compensation can replace that feeling. My mind may be a bit lost at this juncture in my life, but I'm one of the luckiest confused-and-just-out-of-college guys around. I'm not pulling in a pro-basketball player salary or living on a lawyer's income, but my heart is rich. 

Whereas I'm nervous about what lies ahead for me, I am excited to see where my choices lie and what that will mean for my future. Whether its teaching, coaching, or writing novels, I want to have an impact on people. I want to affect lives, young and old. That is what I want. That I am sure of.

-Daley

With an Introduction by Joseph Daley

"You just gotta keep writing."

Hopefully the best career advice I ever receive.

Sometimes in life you need to take what you can to get where you want to be. You need to grab every opportunity available...My hands are open, my mind is open, and most importantly, my heart is open.

My dream is to write for a living. My dream is to live for my writing.

Stay tuned. You can say you were there for The Foreword.

-Daley