Engagement

Engagement can be defined as 'an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time.' 

This Memorial Day weekend, my sister had her second of two engagement parties and it was in Pennsylvania. So that's where I was for the past three days...in the center of Pennsylvania, in the middle of a celebration, amidst my own quiet introspection of my life and the reflection on lives of the people closest to me..my family.

My sister is a lucky woman. Watching her with her fiancee and his family, in a situation of true happiness and comfort, made me feel...secure, I guess. The weekend may not have been a huge getaway for me, but my mind received a much needed vacation from everything back home. The change of scenery was beautiful, and almost healing for a bit. Perspective is a peculiar thing. People can see things from different angles, both physically and mentally...and sometimes the former can impact the latter.

An arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time. I have so much I need to do. Being away, I got to thinking of how I have ended up here. A 23 year old man holding on to this ideal vision of his future, yet being a wallflower of life's awkward dance, wondering if I should make my way out there...second-guessing my potential and fearing rejection or failure.

I got to get out there. I gotta cut in. I'm only at this dance for a fixed time...and I'm a good dancer.

Sick of the metaphors? Me too.

With that said, enjoy Memorial Day. Engage in something.

- Daley

Continuum

The summer is quickly approaching and I've realized that it's going to be a recuperation period. 

For the past year, my head, my heart, and my spirit have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. Now, I'm not one for amusement park rides, so maybe this is a cheap and meaningless metaphor, but it seems fitting. All in a year, I've been to the highest of peaks, and the lowest of lows, anticipating greatness, yet sometimes falling short. Sometimes I've wanted to scream, and sometimes all I could do was hold on with all my power. And there were the times when I felt true greatness, like I was right where I was supposed to be in that moment.

This summer, I'm focusing on me.

I don't have much planned for this summer. Less clutter will make for a more free, relaxed mind...and that's what I need now. Progress will be my theme for this summer. I'll make a lot of progress with my novel. I'll make financial progress by bartending. I'll make progress as a man. I'll make progress and get ahead before the next school year starts and I take on more responsibility in the school. I also want to take a road trip at some point...by myself. Somewhere I can be alone, inspired, introspective. Wilmington comes to mind...

I guess in the end, I just want to be happy. That's all anybody really wants. I'd like to make people around me more happy too. Sometimes I feel I fall short there. I need to be the best version of myself.

I need to recuperate.

It's not easy.

- Daley

Thanks

My dad has made me who I am today. He has been there for me through everything: hard times, basketball games, award ceremonies, my first win as a coach, and every significant moment in my life. He is the reason why I am who I am. So thank you Dad, for being who you are to me. I can only wish that I will have a son someday who will respect and love me even half as much as I respect and love you. Thank you.

- Kiddo

I tried writing about the tendency that I've had throughout my life to be emotional/express these emotions. Every time I started writing a few sentences, I deleted them because I felt as if I could not express myself well.

Irony: 1     -     Daley: 0

I wish I was better at things.

- Daley

Now

Feelings of inadequacy are the worst.

-Daley

Bigger things

I have a hard time letting go of things. Some call it stubbornness...I call it passion. Me calling it passion is probably just a reflection of the fact that I'm stubborn.

When things are out of one's control, the bigger things, when does one "let go."

Let life take its course? Probably.

I talk about grabbing opportunities. I speak about letting go. Maybe this war on clenching is the reason why I find it hard to get a handle on certain facets of my life. 

Yeah, because that's my problem... dexterity. 

Sarcastically, 

Daley

When I was 8 years old...

When I was 8 years old, I probably wanted to be a basketball player or a lawyer when I grew up. Besides a pretty solid jump shot and an innate ability to easily be pulled into an argument, it is safe to say that the perception of how my life would turn out through the eyes of a timid young kid was pretty far off. There are days that my mind becomes wrapped up in the tangled web that led me to where I am now. Today was one of these days.

I walked into the school where I teach this morning, going through my morning routine of checking my mail box, hiking up the stairs, dumping all my stuff on my desk and getting settled in the classroom. After all of this, I made my way up to the third floor for morning gathering, a time in which the whole school comes together and starts the day off. I sat amongst the kids as a grown up version of my middle school self... Still with that same wonder and curiosity: Why am I here? Where am I going?

I never saw myself as someone who would end up becoming a teacher. I just kind of fell into it. Now I'm kind of falling in love with it. There are the days where the stress of it all gets to me...but when a struggling student starts raising her hand more in your class after you've talked to her about working harder, or when a student opens up to you about some family issues he is struggling with at home, it is impossible not to feel like you are making some sort of positive difference in a kid's life. And what profession allows you to have an opportunity to do that every single day you show up? Teaching. And coaching.

As the coach of the basketball team at the school, I have made relationships with a group of boys that I am sure has positively effected each one of them. Others have said this, and I feel it every day. No money, benefits, or other compensation can replace that feeling. My mind may be a bit lost at this juncture in my life, but I'm one of the luckiest confused-and-just-out-of-college guys around. I'm not pulling in a pro-basketball player salary or living on a lawyer's income, but my heart is rich. 

Whereas I'm nervous about what lies ahead for me, I am excited to see where my choices lie and what that will mean for my future. Whether its teaching, coaching, or writing novels, I want to have an impact on people. I want to affect lives, young and old. That is what I want. That I am sure of.

-Daley